Yeah, Finals Week Sucks

So I had finals this week.

Tuesday was Physics. I just had a presentation. That was easy.

On Wednesday was English and Japanese. In English we did two essays and a 43 question test... I remember taking the test at some point last year. xD It was so familiar. And because I passed my Japanese prefinal, I didn't have to take the actual final.

On Thursday I just had math. I got 79%. Dx How did that happen? I thought I had done such a great job!

At least I got to go home at 10....

Friday was the big day. I had Computers; that was easy. But after that was AP US History.

I'm so scared. ;_______;

It was 200 questions of pure doom.

But it wasn't that bad. xD



But something sucky happened that kinda ruined my week.

On Tuesday, I was reading my shoujo manga like I also do, and I don't know, I was feeling extra emotional, maybe because of the stress... Anywho, I was feeling incredibly lonely and so I emailed the guy I like practically asking him whether or not he likes me. You know, the last time we met things had changed and a friend had said that maybe that meant that he liked me back... So I asked him. In a long, multiple paragraph rant. xD

I got an email back on Wednesday.

He said that he would be my friend no matter what, but he "can't promise any more than that".

Yeah, so instead of studying for math, I cried the entire evening.

It didn't help that when I asked if I could stay home instead of walk the dog with my mom and sister, my sister glanced at me, rolled her eyes, and said "I bet she's faking it."

And when you just received shocking news, you're struggling not to cry, and you all of a sudden receive a slap in the face like that? The dams kinda break.


I don't remember much of that night, because I spent most of it crying my eyes out, but I do remember emailing him back thanking him for still being my friend, and I was crying so hard that I couldn't sit up straight and my hands were trembling so much that my words came out all mispelled, so I had to go back and fix them.

So, yes, I received my first heartbreak.

I don't really feel like doing anything, and I'm resisting the things I used to love to do... Like watching romantic movies, or reading shoujo manga, or even singing songs that could be connected to my feelings before the "incident". I'm always trembling slightly for some reason, and I've been going to bed really early.

I don't really feel like I'm myself anymore. It sucks.

And you know what really sucks? My friends didn't really care.

Sarah just apologized absentmindedly and patted me on the head before going off to talk to someone else. It was like she hadn't even really heard what I had said.

Leah was a bit better, but it still wasn't what I was looking for. She said that maybe I still had a chance because he said "promise", which wasn't as concrete as saying something like "I'll never like you" or anything like that. But she still didn't really understand. In fact, I don't think any of my friends could fully relate. All of my friends either have never really developed a crush on someone that they could imagine being with, or have always had their feelings reciprocated, and even if they end the relationship, it was because they decided to break it off.


I dunno. And my mom played the "mom card" by saying that I'm too good for him, that someday I'll meet someone better, etc.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for. Maybe I just want someone to say that he'll change his mind...


I'm just so tired of waiting. I don't care if I don't meet my soulmate for another ten years. I just want someone to spend time with now.

I'm afraid of being alone until I meet the "one". And my biggest fear is that I don't meet that person until I'm in my thirties.


This has kind of taught me something. Kokoro isn't Kokoro unless she has someone to fantasize about. Unless there's a chance that tomorrow I could walk out the door and have the most wonderful romantic experience of my life with the person I really care about, I just can't enjoy life.

Kokoro Wants Stuff

It's true.

I do want stuff.


I just bought my first MM DVDs. Two concerts (Single Daizenshuu and Wonderful Hearts Summer 2008) and Alo-hello 3. Junjun in a swimsuit in Hawaii. Who doesn't love that?

I only bought Alo-hello because I watched the Pepper Keibu making of. There might have been something in the water, but they were all really having fun. xD They were all incredibly comfortable and were playing and making weird faces. Well, except for Takahashi. She was the stick-in-the-mud who was too professional to make a strange sound like all of the other members. Damn professionals...

Which is another reason why I think she should go solo.

But anywho, now that Jun/Lin have been welcomed into the group and have their friends they're INCREDIBLY amusing to watch.

That's why.

The fanservice is just a bonus. =D

(I'm kidding. I actually think they look cuter in dresses than swimsuits... But Junjun is cute no matter what she wears. =w=)


Yeah, so since then, I've been itching to buy some MM stuff. =O

Like T-shirts and posters and all that fun.


I also want a ball jointed doll.

I always liked them, but I never found one that was right enough.

But then I found the perfect face...!

Everything's customizable, so I can make the perfect doll. Well, I have yet to find the perfect wig, but that's okay.

She's lovely, and I want her. =O

She'll have lavender eyes and blonde hair. x3




I'd also like to someday form a dubbing group that is as wonderful and talented and badass as Yo! Project.

That might be the most impossible one so far. ;D

In Which Kokoro Explores the Mystery That is Perfume

I just don't get it.


They are three perfectly cute girls. Not terribly cute, not like MM cute, more like AKB48 cute. Their dance moves? Perfectly average. Not like MM dancing, more like AKB48 dancing. Their PVs? Entertaining, but pretty normal. Not like the older MM PVs, more like AKB48 PVs. Their singing? Completely average for an idol group. They don't have the random amazing singer like MM, more like AKB48 voices.

In fact, these three could all be a subgroup of AKB48. There isn't anything amazing about them visually or vocally. I never paid them much mind before.

But their music.... Holy crap!

It's so techno, it hurts. Their voices are masked by usual techno sound effects. There isn't one bit of real, honest instrumental in their songs. It's all generated by a computer or something. Their singing sounds like the vocaloids to me. It's like every single part of their music is synthesized.

They scream "ignore me!" in every way, and yet...

I can't stop listening!

I can't wrap my mind around it.

I used to hate this band. I couldn't bear to listen. But then the Kouhaku Uta Gassen revealed the errors of my ways.

I've been attached ever since.

I still think it would be impossible to dub because there's no way you can recreate such blatant techno effects, but I still feel the urge to sing along...!

The main suspects?


Chocolate Disco:




They're practically just singing the same two words over and over. It must be some sort of hypnotism.

And then Polyrhythm:



This is the one they performed at Kouhaku. Holy geez, it won't leave my brain!


And Twinkle Snow Powdery Snow:





So, yes.

An AKB48-status group with the addicting quality of Morning Musume.

I just don't get it.

Hooray for January!

I think?



So my friends came over yesterday. =D

It was fun.


So Leah got here first AND she was wearing a skirt AND had cut her hair. =O It was still uber-long, but the ends were nice and neat and she got spiffeh layering in the front.

Oooooh, she looked so cute! x3

Then Sarah came by briefly to drop off some sushi. She was sick, so she couldn't stay. ;_____;

The sushi was good, though. And this is coming from someone who doesn't like sushi. xD We took the leftovers and took out the middle and had them talk to each other. =D


When Marsha got here we all watched the Kouhaku Uta Gassen. But we lost interest after a few hours, just because it's so friggin' long! And most of the good performances were over by that time.

And also, Marsha got distracted by my sister's Flying Turtle.

Do you know what those things are? You sit on a seat really close to the ground, put your feet on the handlebars, and move your hands side-to-side until you start moving slowly. xD

So we ditched the TV and went out into the cold to walk down to the park a few blocks away. And then we filmed Marsha going down the big hills on the Turtle. xD

Good times.

When we got back, we played the Iron Chef game on the Wii. =O Holy crap, that game is fun. It's like Cooking Mama, only has more dishes, dramatic music, and an angry Japanese guy who yells at you. Like, "Zucchini!" or "Kobe beef!" or "Pressure Cook!" or "Chop?"

xDD

It was so much fun. But the Wii kept on dying. D=

And then we watched the annoying Japan DVD I got for Christmas and played with my keyboard and then we drove Leah home and when I had returned Marsha was gone. *cue Twilight Zone music*

Marsha should really babysit for Simone. xD The two really get along well.


Yup~ So after that I played on teh computer a bit and emailed Nate and then yeah. =D

The New Year Done Right

Radio rip of the greatest MM song by this generation yet. ;D

Naichau Kamo!


(I Might Cry)

Not nearly enough Jun/Lin, but I'll forgive them for sheer awesomeness.

This single comes out in late February.

(Damn, I might be a week early when I go to Japan.)

Too much Tanaka, but that's okay. This song is GREAT!

This might just be the thing MM needs right now. A great single to pull them back. And hopefully get reinvited to Kouhaku Uta Gassen?

(Which was EPIC, I tell you. I saw it yesterday. It was awesome! The only way it could have been better was if MM performed instead of Enya. xD)

Ah~

Happy~


I hope the PV is awesome. =D Not cheapo like Pepper Keibu.