But it has been a while, hasn't it?
Let's see... what has happened.
I returned from Japan and was a jetlagged zombie for a good amount of time.
Japanese class turned into one big "I wish I were in Japan" discussion. xD Even now, it always directs back to that sentiment.
For those of you who read my H!P Blog, I freaked out over the fact Morning Musume was performing in LA this summer. I persuaded my parents to let me go as long as I get good grades this semester. I'm on track, but I'm a little nervous...
I took the SATs.
Holy geez that thing is mind-draining. English was easy, I owned in that section, but I bombed the math.
Oh well. I might retake it in September, I don't know. I'm taking the ACTs in June.
Most of my time was spent doing homework and fangirling over music.
Oh, homework. How you killed me!
I started a dance class in PE.
OHHH THE DANCE CLASS!
So we walked into the temporary dance room (a sectioned off portion of the cafeteria that once served as the temporary library) and were surprised to find the principal, our teacher, and a random woman standing there. My elementary school's principal was there, too.
Anywho, they introduced the woman as Mona, a professional and highly regarded dance instructor. Apparently they were putting together a video to help teach teachers who to instruct PE students in dance. And we would be the guinea pigs!
The good news? No weekly 20 minute runs. The bad news? We'd have to perform in front of the school at the good-bye rally.
We're doing a hip-hop routine. It's fun, but the first few days I felt like crying because for the first time in my life, I felt objectified as a woman. But it got better, and now it's fun.
My legs were hurting for weeks, too.
Anywho, on Monday it was announced that Mona was switching to 4th period, so we'd be learning from the PE teacher the next day after watching Mona teach it to 4th. Yup. So less pressure. But now we are a bit lost. xD
Spring Break was last week. I went camping. Kids injured themselves. Badly.
I finally got a Facebook. Why? Because I wanted to share my Japan photos. And now I check it at least once a day. I'm not that obsessed, but I do kinda like it.
We're currently in pretty bad heatwave.
Here is me as of yesterday:
IT WAS HOT.
We're currently doing STAR testing. After next week, I have AP testing for two weeks. And then miscellaneous tests until the last week of school, when I have finals. And then the ACTs the first day of vacation.
Now, here's the news on the boy front.
I don't have a very exciting love life, almost none. The rejection back in January was just about the only dramatic thing to happen me.
So the guy I liked and I were emailing each other about a week or so AFTER the rejection, so I thought we were fine. He wanted to stay friends, I wanted to stay friends, good, right?
Not so much.
All of a sudden, he stops replying. No big deal, he always cuts off our email conversation after a few days. But this time, he wouldn't reply back to any of my emails.
I pulled back, thinking that maybe he was busy and that spamming his inbox would be irritating. But I emailed him again about every month or so, and still. No answer.
By now, I was frustrated that he wasn't emailing back, but it was fine. I was sure that I was pretty much over him, and this would ensure that I really WOULD get over him.
A few weeks ago, it started to get troubling. He would be online on a website, and ignore my messages or comments. I knew he was avoiding me, and I didn't want to lose his friendship without him saying SOMETHING.
But it didn't take over my thoughts completely.
I thought that that was it, and sometime he'd feel like responding and we could start our friendship up again.
(How come with guys, I have to work so hard to maintain the friendship? I don't have a single close guy friend that ever puts in any effort on his end. It's always me starting the conversations and being the friend, and he's just kind of... There.)
Anywho, today we had lunch right after testing, so my friends and I were hanging out in the quad under our tree like normal. The ten minute bell rang, indicating we had five minutes until the end of lunch, so we stood up and started putting our stuff away.
My friend Stephanie came over and Sarah, Leah, and I talked to her a bit. We still had time before class, and Stephanie hasn't been hanging out with us all that often. She has a boyfriend, so we don't blame her. ;D
So we were talking about a book plot Sarah had about a society of beautiful people where all ugly people are forced out (it was an amusing and pretty creative plot) and having fun when all of a sudden, I hear a "Hey."
I look up and my heart stops.
It's the guy.
Standing there.
Smiling at me.
Now, I've imagined what I'd do if he ever decided to come visit me at school (this was the first time a daydream came true for the most part) and this was definitely nothing like my imaginary reaction.
I'm pretty sure the expression I had was like nothing he had ever seen before. I mean, I have a feeling I looked pretty shocked. And I was feeling a mix of emotions like never before.
There was an awkward silence, and then Sarah quickly jumped in with a "Heyyyy! It's you!" and pointed. Thank god. It gave me a chance to think, breathe, and regain my composure. Of course, I laughed and said "It's rude to point," before smiling back up at him.
I'm not sure if it was just me, but the moment I made eye contact things got awkward. It might have been my imagination, but he looked a little tense, like maybe it was a bad idea? My initial reaction was probably pretty discouraging.
I asked some small talk questions like, "What are you doing here?" and "How long have you been here?" I put on my charming face, the one that I use in awkward social situations. And when I'm nervous. The more charming and charismatic I act, the more I feel like I'm in control.
I think he wasn't expecting that, or was sensing the awkwardness of it all, because I could feel him pulling back a bit. My friends were completely silent, busy watching us. xD
I was a MORON and cut the conversation off quickly. I didn't know what to do, and I felt like I should go to my class, and...
I felt like crying.
His expression really hurt, and my brain screamed at me to follow after him and have a normal conversation the moment he said "Good seeing you" and went to say hello to his other friends.
When he was far away enough, my knees gave out. That's what he does to me, he sucks the energy right out of me and I always end up as a trembling mess.
I quickly went off to class before watching him talk to his friends a bit.
(Surprisingly, his friends have grown quite a bit, so he doesn't look that tall. He's around 6'1", I think, so it looked a little strange)
When I got to the locker room for PE, I started to cry.
I was sad that I couldn't talk to him more, I was angry at myself for being so STUPID, and I was happy that he had come to talk to ME before he went to talk to anyone else. Not Jonathan or his other friends or that girl Ferheen said she saw him hugging...
(When your friend tells you that you just got rejected by a guy you liked for nearly two years, you don't tell her that you think he likes another girl anyway, and that you saw them together before.)
Of course, Ferheen played the 'good friend' role again (sarcasm intended) and told me that I'm too good for him. Bad timing.
I thought I was over him. I really did. But after this, my heart's been pounding non-stop, my legs have been weak, and I've been thinking only about him. I wasn't able to pay attention in any of my classes.
When changing classes, I'd look for him and pray that he was still on campus.
After school, I did the same. If I could just get the chance to talk to him again...
Sadly, I couldn't find him.
I'm completely confused. I don't know if I like him or if I was just caught up in the moment. I don't know if this means that things will be okay between us again or... I don't know what it means at all!
I wish that he could come again tomorrow, but I know he won't. That might have been my last chance.
Damn it.
I like him so much.
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